PERFECT GAME!!!!!!!!!!!

"Hawk" Harrelson, in all his terrifying White Sox glory, threw himself a little party the other day in the broadcast booth. He had good reason, Mark Buehrle threw a perfect game. It is really cool. Its only the 18th perfect game all time and the first since Randy Johnson's in 2005. Buehrle now has a world series ring, a no hitter and a perfect game. All by 30. President Obama even called Buehrle after the game proclaiming that all of America was a White Sox fan for the day. Mr. President, I beg to differ. Anyways, it doesn't take Einstein to see the magnitude of throwing a perfect game. What's more important to figure out, especially to Mark Buehrle, is how exactly he is going to repay DeWayne Wise. If you didn't catch the game, here's the scenario: manager Ozzie Guillen inserted Wise into centerfield in the ninth for defensive purposes. That's right, Wise came in off the bench cold after sitting for 8 innings to make this catch: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E5xmGvlnJhM

Wise obviously saved the perfect game, a no-no and even a shutout with that one play. Our question is what does he get in return? Pitchers are traditionally known to splurge for some sort of gift after this type of effort. After Buehrle's first no-no he bought the entire team watches. He even knows that won't cut it here:

"This one will probably be a lot more expensive."

So what can Mr. Wise expect from Mr. Buehrle?

The answer is nothing. Good ol' boy DeWayne doesn't expect a thing, unless you count the big bear hug he got after the game.

"All I wanted was a hug and a thank you, and that's what he did yesterday in the game."

We don't buy that. Wise makes $550,000 this year. Buehrle makes $14,000,000 big ones. DeWayne has to be salivating over the possibilities. Visions of PS3's and big screen tv's had to be dancing in his head.

Watches have to be a no go. Mark's already done it once, so no matter how expensive he goes a watch just won't cut it.

Golf clubs? Harley? A car? Vacation? Oh what to do, what to do?

Steroid Era Choice: the hog.

Nothin says "thank you" in a manlier fashion than a big, fat, American made bike. Does DeWayne Wise even golf? He's left handed so he would have to get the clubs fitted and that automatically takes the surprise element out of the equation. Its cooler than a watch and way cooler than the cameras Lebron got his teammates. I think a car may be a little over the top here. Not financially, just philosophically. Its excess, unless its a Kia. The Harley is perfect.

So there it is folks, the perfect "thank-you card" for Mark Buehrle. Longfellow Deeds couldn't write it any better. Its big, its manly, and its not overboard. There's no way Wise doesn't totally love the bike. It works, now Buehrle just needs to get it done.

Oh, and congratulations on the perfect game.